Reminiscing on Citizen

“Soon,” was what Toledo four-piece Citizen said when a fan tweeted them, asking for a tour. Rumors circulated last week involving them, Knuckle Puck, Hunny, and Oso Oso, an undeniably unlikely lineup. Well, it was proven.

I’ve seen Citizen nine times, seven of which were during their last two tours. It was freshman year of high school I loosely enjoyed Youth — it was an inescapable staple of emo that greeted me right as I entered the genre. It wasn’t until senior year of high school that I really immersed myself in it, feeling its anger reverberate through me after my first real heartache. I played it on repeat during every late night drive around random neighborhoods, the CD practically living in the little slot in my car. When they announced a co-headlining tour with Basement for the spring, I bought tickets to three shows, and then a ticket to a side show they were doing without Basement but with Oso Oso. I would be seeing Citizen four times in the timespan of one week.

Jersey City, New Jersey was the first of the four. The venue, White Eagle Hall, looked big from the back, but it only held about 800 people. The crowd was massive and my friend Alex and I had to weave through lots of bodies to get to the pit. I had asked the guy at the merch table whether Basement or Citizen was going on first and he told me Citizen. I was vexed. For some reason, I had this notion that Citizen was a really popular band, meanwhile Basement was, if not more popular, the same. Still, it didn’t matter, because the crowd lost their shit for both, and I lost my shoe at one point, and then my glasses at one point, and I crowdsurfed and stagedove a bit. Citizen’s setlist was brimming with songs from Youth, including “Roam The Room,” “Sleep,” “The Summer,” and “Sleep.” It was consistent for every show, and each time my adoration for “Roam The Room” increased because it became a signal that a great night was starting.

Amityville, Long Island was the next show. It was twenty minutes from my hometown, and at my favorite venue in the world: Revolution Bar. It felt like a mythical dimension at times — all of my experiences there were glazed over with a surreal glow, almost intoxicatingly. It was the venue where I saw Balance And Composure, a band that I didn’t like until that show made me fall deep in love with their music. It was where I saw Title Fight, a band that didn’t click with me until that show instilled in me an unbreakable bond with their sound. The venue really seemed to be a portal that swallowed me, poisoned me with chemicals that made me surrender myself to a band, and then spit me out. However, these were bands I already had an affinity for, so I knew it was be even more surreal, and especially since I would be surrounded by a bunch of my friends. It was with Alex, Britney, Vicky, Lauren, Safia, and Amber. There was something really cozy about being at a show with almost all of my friends. The best part about it was crowdsurfing with Vicky for a straight hour or two, and holding hands with her and singing unapologetically on the stage before diving right into the crowd. It was my favorite show of all. My heart told me that I was in the right place.

New Haven, Connecticut was up next, at Toad’s Place. There was a barricade, which was disappointing, but it didn’t inhibit anyone from crowdsurfing. However, stagediving was prohibited, so you would have to run off the stage and then run back into the crowd. It sucked, but it could’ve been worse. The crowd was a little boring, but the pit was the opposite — extremely vehement and violent. I got hit in the nose and almost started crying because I thought it was broken. Then, I realized it wasn’t even bleeding, and the pain dissipated after a few minutes.

I grieved over Basement for the last show with Citizen and Oso Oso. It took place at the Brooklyn Bazaar, a cursed venue for me. It was my first time returning to it after having a panic attack there in 2017 that led to a depressive episode, so I was skeptical about going back. I was with my friends Alex and Britney, though, and I knew we would have a great time. I drove and Alex drank. By the time we were in the pit for Citizen, she was drunkenly yelling that the pit was weak. Even though it wasn’t necessarily the best pit, crowdsurfing and stagediving was fun. My fishnets kept getting caught on people and I was thrown onto the stage like I was a sack of potatoes, almost knocking over Mat Kerekes’s microphone stand several times. Alex had it worse: crowdsurfing during the last song — which was “Drawn Out, ” an exciting addition to their setlist — and slowly getting dropped by everyone in the crowd while Mat Kerekes watched pitifully and laughed. I was doing the same.

I had accumulated over thirty bruises on my body after this one week, and a ridiculous amount of videos surfaced on the Internet of me surfing on people’s heads and jumping into a mass of people off of stages. I had also received four compliments for my participation in the crowd, and a lot of high fives. It was a really special time in my life that I often reflect on and miss, but I caught them on their tour with The Story So Far later that year, and I’ll be catching them on their tour this year with Knuckle Puck. I’m hoping to make even more heartwarming and crazy memories.